Foster Care: Good or Bad?

Here in the United States, we have all read stories about evil foster parents who take children into their homes for the sole purpose of supplementing thier income. Over the years, the media has uncovered shocking details of foster children living in squalor with little or nothing to eat. In some cases, even chained or tied to a cold basement floor. While I agree that these stories are terrifying and the public does have a right to know what is happening in their community, I fear that the general public (a.k.a. the non-adoption community) may tend to perceive all foster parents as deviants. This is not always the case. In fact, if a child is lucky enough to be placed with a caring foster family, they will be provided with a healthy foundation in which to grow.

In our country, many families opt to become foster parents for various reasons. They may be childless couples seeking to give refuge to 'homeless' children stuck in the foster care system. In some instances, these same foster parents may hope to adopt one or more of the children they will care for. I have also known married couples with children of their own who have a strong desire to take in foster children with no other thought than making a difference in someone's life even for a short while.

As my reader's know, I have two (adopted)daughters from China. One lived in the orphanage from age 2-13 months and the other lived with a foster family from the age of 2-15 months. In my experience, I can tell you that there was definitely a difference in the adoption process and transitioning of each child into my home. My older daughter, Big Sister (BS) lived with a lovely foster family in their home. When I first met my daughter, she grieved heavily for four days, crying for "Mamma." There was a strong attachment that formed between the two. I know firsthand that this is true because BS's foster mother arrived at my hotel late one night to meet me and find out exactly who BS was going home with. She told me that she cried for days over leaving her and felt bad because she knew BS would experience pain over the loss. BS bounced back quickly and with a few days, I became "Mamma." It was as though a magic wand had been waved over her head. One day, she just looked up at me and lovingly declared that I was her mother. She was and continues to be a happy, joyful child with a good sense of herself. Today, I still send letters and photos to BS's foster mother allowing her to see how loved her foster child has become.

Little Sister has a different story. I know so little about her early life in the orphanage. Only that she lived in an institution that was reportedly understaffed. Rumor has it that only six full-time nannies were there to care for 120 infants and toddlers. Although I wasn't there to experience it, I believe it as I have seen LS's fear of not having enough to eat or drink and fear of having to wait while another child (BS) is taken care of. She has also expressed on many occasions, fear of her primary caretaker (me) abandoning her. She has been home for 3 months now and with each day, her fears are slowly melting away.

Fosters are homes are neither all good nor all bad. They are simply a temporary solution for 'homeless' children seeking families.