Book Recommendation

Most adoptive parents have an idealized image of their child's orphanage. They desperately want to believe that someone in China loved and cared for their child before adoption day. They may envision a favorite nanny who came to work each day, seeking out their future child, giving them kisses and kind words. When adoptive families receive their referrals, and join up with orphanage boards, they are often reassured that their child comes from a nice, clean, caring environment.

In March 2007, when I got my referral for Little Sister, I immediately joined the XXXX orphanage group so that I could find out more about the babies and be better prepared. I was given glowing reports that gave me temporary reassurance that all of the babies were "well cared for and healthy." You can only imagine my surprise then when Gotcha day rolls around, and I am given a terrified baby, one who intensely fears the night, and would scream for hours on end, accepting no form of comfort. I went into complete shock, not knowing or understanding what the problem was. Didn't my orphanage group reassure me that ALL of the babies were treated well. When I had my facilitator call the orphanage to find out what was wrong, the orphanage director sarcastically reported that my baby was, "spoiled by her nanny." For months following our stay in China, and our return home, life was hell. My child who came from a highly-regarded orphanage of loving and well-meaning nannies was jealous of her big sister, fearful at every turn, and full of rage. At one point, I wondered if she was mentally insane. I wrote my orphanage group several times, voicing my concerns, and was constantly told how "wonderful their daughters were adjusting." Finally, two other mothers with babies from the same orphanage, quietly came forward, emailing me on the sly, admitting that their babies were also severely traumatized.

Now, after delving into Silent Tears: A Journey of Hope in a Chinese Orphanage, I finally have confirmation that my daughter was indeed maltreated by the nannies who took care of her in the XXXX orphanage. I had always suspected, but now I know the truth. Author, Kay Bratt, possibly a pen name, and her family spent a few years living in China. During that time, Kay volunteered at a local orphanage where she
witnessed first-hand cruel and careless treatment of Chinese orphans.

Here is an excerpt from the book:

"The babies' diet is appalling and equally atrocious for the other orphanage children. For breakfast, they have rice with greens mixed in. For lunch, they have greens with rice mixed in. For supper, it's rice and greens. It doesn't look that bad, but no one would want it for every meal. Clearly, they get sick of it because there are a few who spit it back out even though their hunger is evident. It appears to be an act of defiance, so we simple keep shoveling it in because we know they won't be allowed to eat again for several hours."

I highly recommend this book for anyone waiting for a child from China. I only wish I had read this book before I adopted Little Sister. It may have helped me better understand why she was so fearful and moody. I eventually figured it out, but it was huge adjustment for us both.