Thursday, August 9, 2007

Declinging Advice Anyone?

Our second daughter was adopted this past May. She is now sixteen months old, cute as a button, sleeping 12-13 hours a night? A parent's dream, right? Many mother's would be thrilled to have a baby who slept even 8 hours a night, but what about the clinginess? I'm not talking about a few minutes a day, I'm dealing with extreme clinginess from morning to bedtime. Little Sister (LS)recently started walking on her own and does a phenomenal job, but refuses to let go of Mommy for more than 1-2 minutes at a time. I can't get anything done while she is awake. This includes preparing meals unless she is sitting in her high chair with toys, a drink or food. When speaking to other parents about the situation, they tell me this behavior is normal in many children, yet I rarely see it when we go out. What I observe is other 16 month old babies playing happily near their Mommies, not clinging. Am I a bad parent for feeling this way? Am I terrible for saying that I feel like a prisoner some days?

While surfing the web and looking for 'professional' advice, I came across Dr. Greene's website. Here's what he has to say:

"Don't try to get too much done during the periods you are alone with your daughter. Use this time to build an even stronger relationship between the two of you."

"Adjust the family dinner time so that you don't start cooking until after Dad has come home and had a chance to unwind."

"Have Dad or another responsible adult take your daughter out of the house for an hour or so each day so that you can have a little time to do the things you need and want to do (like prepare dinner), without her crying to be picked up."

"Decline invitations to events that don't fit your family's current needs. If you really want or need to go to the event, consider hiring a babysitter for the evening. As long as you are spending focused time with your daughter each day, it's okay to get a sitter occasionally in the evening, even if your daughter is in childcare during the day. "

"It's okay to let her cry some. Trust your maternal instincts. If you would rather adjust what you are doing and pick her up, do so. At those other moments when your deep desire is to get something accomplished, do what it takes to proceed. If you listen to your deepest desires and act accordingly she will learn both that you love her intensely, and that other people have needs too. "

"When she starts to cry, breathe deeply, remind yourself that this is only a phase, and think about the parts of being a mother that you enjoy the most!"

For more on Dr. Greene's parenting advice, visit http://www.drgreen.com/.

As Dr. Greene's states, "it's just a phase." His words are comforting and I look forward to the day when "LS" feels safe and secure enough to let me go and know that I will still be there for her.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Ashley,

I am looking forward reading your blog! How honest you are. Some of my children were very much glued to me. I think this stage will pass!

Thanks for the article!

Amy C