After waiting months or even years for the baby of your dreams, many parents are faced with the reality of adopting a baby with 'special' needs. I don't mean physical deformaties, but rather professional help dealing with past trauma in their early lives.
Trauma includes, but is not limited to:
-Abandonment by birth parent
-Time spent in an orphanage
-Neglect
-Abuse
-Inability to have a consistent caregiver
Adopting a child is always a leap of faith. We read some of the attachment books before our referral and hear the horror stories, yet always believe deep inside that it could never happen to us. It does happen more than we like to believe. As I have mentioned it an earlier post, it happened to me.
My daughter has been home for six months now. It took me exactly this long to realize that her controlling behavior, insecurities, in ability to make prolonged eye contact and frequent temper tantrums were due to post trauma resulting in minor attachment issues. Little Sister (LS) has a problem learning to trust! She desperately wants to be loved, but goes about handling the situation in a non-productive way.
No one told me what was wrong with Little Sister. I had to do extensive research on my own to figure things out. Now, with the help of online support groups, therapy and Early Intervention, I feel confident that in time, she will heal. Having this child has been overwhelming at times especially parenting her by myself. DH and I have a commuter marriage. He works out of state. I also have another daughter to care for. Being alone with two kids, one with problems has been intense and emotionally draining.
For months, I kept asking myself why God chose to give this child to me. I didn't know! I finally realize that he gave her to me because I will save her. She needs someone strong enough to fight for her. That's me! It took me awhile to reach the point where I even wanted to fight for her, but I'm here now and that's all that matters.
With God's grace, we will get through these difficult times.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
2 comments:
Sounds like you're in a good place emotionally, and headed in the right direction! Your girls are so lucky to have you!
Hi Ashley;
Thanks for sharing this!
We experienced something similar in our first adoption. Our daughter was 14 months old and was not 'special needs,' but came home after being raised in an orphanage in Hungary with the inability to receive love. We would hug her, kiss her, touch her- she would let us, but no arm contact on her part, very stiff. My heart was broken, as I was afraid it was permanent. I gave it to God, we also took her to our church (clgonline.net) and asked our Pastor to pray over her with us...they also anointed her head with oil. I kid you not, in a few days she was holding us and never returned to the old self. She is our most affectionate child still-at 13 now she hugs and kisses me daily. Our God is more than able and I think He has a particular warm spot for orphans ;-) Stop by on Sunday - I have Prayer Request Sunday....leave me your details (either in comment or in my email) and we will stand together in prayer on it!
big hug ((((((((((((hug))))))))))
Kimmie
mama to 6
one homemade and 5 adopted
Post a Comment