Making strides with my velcro baby

We have been home with Little Sister (LS) for five months now. For 24 long months leading up to our adoption day, I had prayed, wished, hoped and dreamed of this child, a sweet, calm Mei-Mei. Our older daughter (Big Sister) has always been a happy, yet highly active child. In my prayers, I asked God to send me a calmer little girl, one to counter-balance Big Sister. Excitedly, I even discovered that the name we had chosen for her meant "Trees near the water." I remember thinking how serene and lovely that sounded. Did I get a calm child you may wonder? The answer is yes and no.

LS was without question the saddest little girl I had ever laid eyes on when I met her. During our China trip, she didn't sleep more than 4-5 hours a night. Rather, she would begin screaming at the idea of bedtime. Something about going to bed at night greatly disturbed her. We asked our facilitator to call the orphanage and see if they could help, but instead, they laughed it off, saying there weren't any problems or maybe I was just an inexperienced mother. Later, I discovered that my daughter had a crib mate and cannot sleep without her blankie. Why couldn't her nanny take the time to tell me this information or send along her precious blanket. I would have gladly purchased ten new blankets in place of the old one.

During the day, LS was calm and relaxed, but at night, she changed into a inconsolable child screaming on top of her lungs as though her body were engulfed in flames. The memory of these episodes still rattles me. I will admit that I was not prepared for this child or situation. During the excruciatingly long wait for this baby, I had been glued to my computer, longing for the latest gossip about when the next batch of referrals would be coming out and reading stories from mothers who had joyous "Gotcha Days" with happy, smiling babies. I wondered why God gave me this particular child. God doesn't make mistakes my friends tried to reassure me. Still, I felt so completely overwhelmed.

Fast forward, five months later. LS still has her issues, including delayed speech, sensory integration disorder (as diagnosed by our pediatrician) and temper tantrums that lead to more screaming, yet this beautiful little person is making progress every day. The greatest miracle for me has been to see her relax, learn to trust and learn how to be happy. When she laughs, it's like seeing a flower blossoming from bud to full bloom. She knows that she is home now. She knows that every time her belly is hungry, Mama will feed her. Every time, she lays to down to sleep, she knows that her blankie is with her and that no one will take it away. She knows that she is loved. My older daughter came to me rather easily with an easy transition. LS was different. She came to me and said, non-verbally of course, "Mama, fight for me. Fight to save my life." I'm here precious daughter. I'm here.